


the ghost in my memories

by AngelycDevil



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Feelings, Gen, Language Kink, cap!bucky, pre-stucky, ws!steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-04 02:37:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10265714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelycDevil/pseuds/AngelycDevil
Summary: Decades after Steve died falling from the train, they unmask the Winter Soldier.





	1. Chapter 1

There is a buzz in his mind. A blanket of white noise stretching to every corner of his thoughts. A constant ringing coating every object in his visual field, every word that he hears.

He can’t _think._

“Captain, he’s been stabilized.”

He can’t believe—

“Did he speak?”

After all these years, _decades_ —

“No, Captain.”

He can’t _breathe_.

“I want to see him.”

“Of course, Captain.”

* * *

His smile is different.

After all the things that Bucky’s learned for the past few days, that’s the thing that makes him cry.

* * *

“Your name is Steven Grant Rogers. You were born on July 4, 1918 to Sarah and Joseph Rogers.”

"Nimesi on James Buchanan Barnes. Synnyit 10. maaliskuuta, 1917 George ja Winifred Barnesille. Sinulla oli sisko, Rebecca. Hän kuoli kolme vuotta sitten. Olet kohteeni."

_Is that…_

"Aion tappaa sinut. Sinä lipsut. Epäonnistut. Viillän kurkkusi auki. Et ole ensimmäinen kohteeni etkä jää viimeiseksi."

_Finnish._

Bucky almost laughs. Steve’s always been good at picking up languages. Finnish is a little unexpected though.

“We used to be best friends. You _are_ my friend. I’m not gonna hurt you, but I’m not gonna let you hurt anyone else either.”

"On aika hellyyttävää, että luulet voivasi pysäyttää minut."

* * *

 

“I’m not going to tell you what you already know, James.”

“Good. Don’t.”

Natasha moves to face him. The last time she looked straight at him, she told him Peggy Carter has died. “I don’t know how much longer I can stall Fury. He’s a little less hopeful of hostile threats since Loki.”

Bucky takes a moment to let that settle in, a moment to swallow his anger. “Steve isn’t Loki, Natasha. Steve isn’t some psychopathic alien. He’s Captain America. He’s the reason we’re not all dead already.”

“ _You’re_ Captain America, James. The man in there, he’s the Winter Soldier. Do us all a favor and get that in your head before you end up dead.”

“He won’t kill me.”

* * *

"Dreiundsiebzig Tage, Kommandant. Es war einsam hier." Steve tilts his head with a smile. _Steve’s_ smile. It makes his entire face soften. Ich hab dich vermisst, Bucky.”

"Du kannst wohl kaum mir die Schuld dafür geben. Als ich das letzte Mal hier war, hast du versucht, mir mit einem Stift in die Halsschlagader zu stechen.”

Steve shrugs, his pretenses falling off like clothes after a rough day. "Ich habe dich gewarnt.”

Bucky smiles. "Ich weiß.”

"Und trotzdem bist du hier…”

"Was soll ich sagen? Ich habe dich vermisst, Steve.”

* * *

“Dr. Cho said you requested me here.” Bucky slides his hands into his pockets and waits. He’s waited for almost century. He can wait for a few minutes, years.

“I…” Steve swallows. “I’m positive that Dr. Helen Cho has alerted you of my…nightmares.”

“Yes. She told me when they started.”

“I know they wiped my memories. I kn—I’ve always known. It’s never…interfered in a mission. Before. I—I. It never bothered me. I never wished to know my past. I never—” Steve shoots his feet and paces in his cell. He stops in front of Bucky and walks towards him. The barrier stretches around him, crackling with electricity. “My dreams. They’re all of you,” he whispers. “Of… _us._ ”

* * *

“He misses you.”

“He?”

“ _Your_ Steve.”

“You are my Steve.”

“I’m not.”

* * *

“I wish was.”


	2. Chapter 2

“He wanted you.”

“And I wanted him.”

“But you never…”

“It was a different time.”

* * *

“నేను…“ Steve looks up at him. The bags under his eyes are heavy and as always, Bucky wants to carry it for him. “నాకు నువ్వు గుర్తున్నావు. మీరు అతని ప్రతి ఒక్క జ్ఞాపకాలు లో ఉన్నారు. మీరు శారీరకంగా లేక పొయీనా, మీరు అతని ఆలోచనలు ఉన్నారు. మీరు ఒక ప్లేగు వంటి వారు.” He pauses. “నేను ని నీనుచి తప్పించుకోలేను.” He swallows. “నాకు వద్దు.”

* * *

“I was a good person.”

“You were the best of us.”

* * *

It’s the silence that speaks the truth. It follows him like a ghost through the base. It stifles him, steals his breath as panic burns through like forest fire. He’s trembling by the time he finds Steve. He sees it in his reflection against the plexiglass. He sees his reflection melt, blur, give away to the truth.

Steve strapped down. Again. Numerous tubes injecting his body, keeping him just alive enough. Again. Steve unconscious, sedated. Again.

Except this time, no one hurt him but himself.

* * *

“I can’t lose you again. I know that makes me selfish. I’m sorry.”

* * *

Steve grins when Bucky walks in. His knees nearly give out.

“Missed me?” he says.

Bucky’s reply gets caught in his throat. _You have no idea._

Steve hears it anyway.

* * *

“Would you believe me if I told you I don’t want to leave?”

They’re standing inches away from each other, an invisible electric barrier separating them. Bucky doesn’t know how they got there.

“Your actions say otherwise.” _Why are you doing this?_

Steve tilts his head and smiles as if he isn’t shattering. “It’d be selfish for me to stay. After all I’ve done…”

“None of it was your fault and you know it. You’re just _running away._ ” _Please don’t leave me alone again, I won’t be able to bear it._

“He said I was a good man, so I became a killer. They said I was brave…maybe I want to try being a coward.”

“Maybe you should try being selfish. Maybe you should stay.” _I can’t breathe without you._

“Let me go, Buck. Please.”

 _“_ Okay.” Bucky inhales sharply. “Okay. Shut down the barrier, JARVIS.” _You’re never coming back, are you?_

“Yes, sir.”

A green light flashes before them and then…

“There,” Bucky chokes out. “You’re free.”

* * *

Steve takes a step closer and nothing happens. There is no more electricity that would blanket him, shocking him in increasing intensity as he moves forward. There is nothing between them.

Between him and the love of his life.

There is absolutely _nothing_ stopping him from crossing the space between them, from touching him, from holding him…from kissing him like he’s wanted to for so long.

Bucky freezes under his fingertips, but before Steve can recalculate the probabilities, a sharp whine tears out of him and Steve is backed up against wall by solid warmth. By Bucky. Steve groans and pulls his lover closer.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers to the freckles smattering across Bucky’s neck. “I had to know. I—I knew, but I had to know.” _That you’d let me go._

Bucky smiles and the sun rises in his eyes, warming Steve to his core. “I understand. I just—”

“I don’t know love, but I think I…will you teach me? Help me remember?”

Bucky kisses his nose and Steve wrinkles it in response because _why_. “I love you too, punk.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you want more, please drop an ask at our [tumblr](https://imaginesteverogerss.tumblr.com/message).


End file.
